A "Trip" With Jason Seagull
On Halloween night, while trick-or-treating we passed the cemetery. Suddenly we all felt a cold and spooky wind, imagine my tongue in your mouth. That’s what it was like. Kermit, Rico, and Chip all had their equal share of candy that night. Man were they jazzed. We of course are not talking about real candy, we are talking about the sweet sweet taste of crack cocaine. Perched on top of Rico, Kermit and Chip ride that spotted beast bareback as they jam out to Monster Mash. As we stumble through the graveyard, we make our way to our boy, Jason Seagull’s grave. Can we just add a few sentences on Jason Seagull real quick? Is he a Muppet or a man? I will tell you, he is somewhere in-between. This is the essence of the Seagull, he flies by his own rules riding on the wind of destiny. Not bound by the mortality of man, but sadly he passed away five years ago in a freak Seadoo accident. No one loved their Seadoo like Seagull, he went down doing what he loved, just like Paul Walker. Oh it’s been a long day without you my friend. I will tell you all about it when I Seagull you again. Back to the story.
I’m not usually one for wet faces, but mine was like a flippin rain storm, pitter-patter pitter-patter. The sound of my pain echoes in my brain. Rico and gang were surrounding Seagulls grave now mourning the loss of a great man. In the corner of their eye they see a giant frog king, nothing too crazy. But don’t get me wrong, it was crazy. He was performing an ancient ceremony only know to the frog people. He drew a 100 emoji on an unmarked grave with the blood of his enemies. I felt witchcraft in the air, and then I saw the corpse of my once good friend Owl Pacino rise from the huna emoji. He was wearing a black robe and a red light saber. He could only be one thing, a Sith Lord. There back baby, and were are not talking Star wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. We are talking about real Sith, original trilogy bro. Luckily, we double jumped away in the wrong direction with Frog King in tail. Again we were left alone with Jason. Why Jason?
They were after us. Owl’s vengeance was like that of an angry old man. Crazy but stern like a ship. Starship, Star Wars. Yeah baby! As they levitated off the ground, no more than three maybe four inches. They force lighting Chip in the back. He was dead. It’s okay though, no one really knew why he was there. He just kind of showed up, did he even know Jason? Idk man. Honestly, the less weight on my back the better. He always talked up his pool game, newsflash buddy squirrels can’t play pool. One thing lead to another and we were on the Titanic, couldn’t tell you how, maybe Jason, I know you’re out there somewhere. As it turns out Leo was on this same departure. No one could fill the void that Jason left, but Leo did a pretty good job. I dreamt of him. Inception. Now back to the story.
Sith Lord AquaPacino flew in to see it set sail. As the gang made their maiden voyage, Owl had his own plans. Calling forth all spirit animals of the deep in both dimensions, he was attempting to sink the Titanic for the second time. Little did he know one guy claimed it was unsinkable. Owl didn’t care. Like a pine in the winter, Kermit was still green. Any hoot, a lot of sea creatures started fondling the boat, I think I even saw the Kraken. I was awakened from my dream of Leo by moans of the deep. It could only be one thing. Owl had finally found us. Luckily we had recruited the Jack Sparrow and he had been following us the whole time in the black pearl. Jack Sparrow and crew suddenly board our ship, eager to engage in ballroom dancing. Prior to getting on the Titanic, everyone agreed to have a formal before the final battle royale. I put on my best suit and so did Kermit, and we went just as friend’s maybe more. We will see how the night goes. Everyone was there, Kraken on Piano and as the stand-up comedian. Boy was he Kraken everyone up. Our eyes locked as Owl entered the room, looking as suave as ever. Dang could the talons fit in a pair of nice oxfords. We decide to dance. We were once close partners, but this would be the last time we were partners. We requested “Forever Young” and hit the floor. Swaying to and fro I realized I missed the old times. I think I saw a tear in his eye. I knew he felt it too. After the dramatic finale of that great song Owl took off his white glove and slapped me across the face with it. “I trusted you,” he said, “and you betrayed me. See you on the battlefield bub.” With that he exited and the party died down a little after that. Me and Kermit went back to the room and got a good night sleep before the big fight.
The morning was the first time we realized how screwed we were. Man. It was literally just me and Kermit and Captain Jack against Owl and the creatures of the deep. Luckily we had made an ally during the dance. His name was Jim he was a pretty cool guy. Once the battle started Cap Jack shot at the titanic attempting to hit the Kraken, but he punctured the hull and hit Jim. Direct impact, I’ve never seen anything like it. A little embarrassed Captain Jack sailed away, and we were alone. Backed in to a corner on a sinking ship we thought it was over. But behold, the Seagull lives.
Riding on the back of a giant Seagull, Jason flew into our rescue, and took us away from the troubles of the world. Like he always does. Force throwing his light saber he executes the kill command, dealing 10 damage directly to Owl Pacino. Death upon impact. Not a tragedy. The light saber returned to Jason’s hand with the blood of many, he killed the entire ship without leaving the seagull. This is why I love him. When the hammer fell, Jason and gang stood resolute. He keeps me safe. . .
. . . After we came off the drugs we realized it was all just a dream. That cocaine was laced with something man. We came to in a bath tub with a titanic toy. I and Kermit were okay, but Chip drowned, he wasn’t a strong swimmer. Jason was the one to come and drain the bath and give us a towel. Jason Seagull is my boy.
Written in part by Ben, Brown, and that other guy(DAN).
